A Bergen County NJ Divorce Lawyer’s Seven Best Strategies For Women Going Through Divorce Article Recap

When it comes to separating or divorcing it is very unlikely that the experience will be painless. However, that does not mean that this journey, although difficult, won’t bring you to a beautiful new destination. In fact, it can be the best thing that ever happens to you and your partner in some cases. We recently read a great article by Lisa Helfend Meyer about the 7 Divorce Survival Strategies For Women. Here is a recap of her strategies for surviving divorce.

1. Reset your mindset: You can let the process take over you, or you can choose to exercise a proactive position in the process. While some factors are exceeding your control, there are numerous aspects to your divorce where you can take the lead. This begins by your choice of an attorney. Find a lawyer who exhibits empathy in speaking with you and who you sense will be supportive throughout what can be a deep, sensitive process. Of course, it is also essential that your lawyer is skilled, confident and savvy both in and out of the courtroom.

It’s quite probable you are facing a wave of negative sensations from loss and anger to shame and guilt — most of which are tied to things that have happened in the past. A good mantra is to shed the past, live in the present and envision the future. Start examining where you are now, so you can grow in the tomorrow.

2. Convert to a money manager now:  Too many women, even extremely thriving professionals and entrepreneurs who earn a lot of money, don’t have a grip on their household finances. If your spouse is the one who has taken on the responsibility of handling the bills and maintaining your investments, odds are you’re in the murk. Conceivably you dislike dealing with bills, so over time, you’ve relinquished control to your spouse or, perhaps, you have a controlling husband who actually desires to keep you unaware and uninvolved.

Whatever the circumstances, meeting divorce without an understanding of your finances is especially scary. Many women who find themselves in this position start to question their capacity to take command of their financial lives. Studying the good, the bad and the ugly of what’s occurred with your finances is essential before you are able to partake in any settlement negotiations- whether that reveals credit card accounts that you didn’t know existed or that your husband has been playing with plundered family funds. Many times, what you presume is worse than really grasping the true state of things.

In these circumstances, one should take small steps by stripping away the layers of your finances. Begin by unwinding the paper trail: Review bank records, credit card statements, tax returns and other financial records. Recognize the goal is to evaluate the estate and extent of marital property, not to reveal parts of your husband’s potential philandering. Talk to the experts associated with your banking such as your accountant, broker and business lawyer.

Go from inactive to active and mature more financially aggressive one step at a time. If you don’t understand how to use QuickBooks or to balance a checkbook, this is the opportunity to acquire these skills. You’ll be amazed at the courage you’ll get from handling these responsibilities yourself. You’ll also appear more in control if you master how to budget yourself and know what and how you’re spending. Next, start restoring your individual financial portrait by taking credit cards in your own name.

3. Don’t let your husband run the show: Be the one to file divorce first. Because it’s so strong from a psychological viewpoint, it helps for women to initiate the divorce process. This is the chance to affirm your rights. For instance, if you want to operate the family business or go back to school, make your intentions understood.  The notion of owning one-self again can also enhance and even revitalize your marriage. Many times, this can even lead to reconciliations with a better dynamic between the spouses.

4. Change your focus from your spouse to yourself: Many states have no-fault divorce, so it’s barren and toxic to haunt over your soon-to-be ex having a girlfriend. Searching in his phone reports or examining his emails  — scanning for proof of cheating may only help to make you feel anger which will ultimately be toxic during the divorce process. You need to direct all the force you have into legal and positive pursuits.

5. Be present and attend depositions and court procedures: By being present for the proceedings, women are able to let go of a lot of negative feelings and leave feeling as though they’ve achieved something they didn’t think was plausible.

6. Love yourself. Redirect the affection and enthusiasm you put into your marriage and restore your connection with yourself: As women, we tend to be caregivers setting the needs of our husbands and children before our own. You are beginning a new stage of your life in which it’s crucial to treasure and honor yourself. Begin by practicing great care of your body. If you are not doing so now, begin trying healthier foods, make sure you are getting adequate sleep, and find the opportunity to meditate and exercise. Feeling better may help you feel psychologically stronger.

7. Examine the things that give you happiness: Take the opportunity to experience simple joys like exercising in the park, soaking in a leisurely bubble bath, horticulture or seeing a movie. Reawaken pursuits and passions that may have been put on hold during your marriage — whether that means going back to school, getting a new job, traveling, renewing old friendships or getting closer to your family.

In finality: While divorce is intrinsically about change, you have the ability to influence that evolution in directions that put you on the path to peace of mind and personal satisfaction.

If you live in Bergen County, New Jersey and may be facing the possibility of divorce, to learn more, ask questions, and seek advice from a Bergen County divorce lawyer, give attorney Sheena Burke Williams Esq. a call at (201) 497-8700. She’d love to talk.


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